Friday, December 31, 2010
A Collage of 2010
A friend had given em this idea. You take a photo of yourself each month for a year to see just how very much you've changed. Here is mine for 2010 ^_^
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Love's Lament
I see the path my feet must follow.
I know the way my heart doth go.
a missed chance, consumed with sorrow.
All my love I hope you know.
I didn't want this, not this way.
I didn't want to walk away.
So may things I want to say,
And yet I am afraid.
Can you blame me for my fear?
For what I want, I hold so dear?
Of losing what i clutch so near?
A wolf I may be, but I feel the deer.
So lost in confusion with what I know I must do,
But my insides are screaming, begging for you.
I know what I want but the fear's anew,
Shall I be yours once more or is this adieu?
The pain it grows in leaps and bounds,
You speak so clearly, yet I hear no sounds.
To run, with you the Sacred grounds,
Though I keep searching, you're not around.
My life has been naught but taking a chance,
Filled with painful circumstance,
I long to dance the lover's dance,
Yet i'm afraid I've forgotten the steps of romance.
There is no love where I abide,
From your words I cannot hide.
My love for you consumes me inside,
Yet without you, my soul had died.
You haunt my every waking moment,
I see your face, and my heart weeps its lament.
A full lush heart covered in cement,
This for us, was never meant.
Would you think that I'm a foolish,
To beg you stubbornly and mulish,
Because my heart need's your love's poultice,
I can't live without you.
I know the way my heart doth go.
a missed chance, consumed with sorrow.
All my love I hope you know.
I didn't want this, not this way.
I didn't want to walk away.
So may things I want to say,
And yet I am afraid.
Can you blame me for my fear?
For what I want, I hold so dear?
Of losing what i clutch so near?
A wolf I may be, but I feel the deer.
So lost in confusion with what I know I must do,
But my insides are screaming, begging for you.
I know what I want but the fear's anew,
Shall I be yours once more or is this adieu?
The pain it grows in leaps and bounds,
You speak so clearly, yet I hear no sounds.
To run, with you the Sacred grounds,
Though I keep searching, you're not around.
My life has been naught but taking a chance,
Filled with painful circumstance,
I long to dance the lover's dance,
Yet i'm afraid I've forgotten the steps of romance.
There is no love where I abide,
From your words I cannot hide.
My love for you consumes me inside,
Yet without you, my soul had died.
You haunt my every waking moment,
I see your face, and my heart weeps its lament.
A full lush heart covered in cement,
This for us, was never meant.
Would you think that I'm a foolish,
To beg you stubbornly and mulish,
Because my heart need's your love's poultice,
I can't live without you.
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
The Road I Wish to Travel
I have spent too long in the darkness.
It began to devour my soul.
I didn't think that Light would ever find me.
There is no light around me... nothing to scare away the shadows.
But now i'm blinded beautifully by a new Light in my life.
I had almost forgotten how blissfully painful the Sun really is.
Shining down upon me it burns so sweetly and i can't help but smile.
For once the shadows of my soul are cleansed by your light.
I wake up in the morning with no weight upon my spirit.
My wings were broken and useless.
Crippled and tied i hobbled in darkness never thinking i'd soar again.
But now my wings are full and beautiful once again.
Do i even remember what it feels like to fly?
What it feels like to glide on the winds of exstacy?
My wings are new and happiness may not last forever.
Will you catch me if i fall?
All i want to do is fall into your luminescence.
I want your raging fire to brand my soul and keep me warm forever.
You have given me a reason to truly smile again.
You have brought me light; Happiness; Freedom from the corrupt darkness...
For this i shall never be able to repay you.
But i am eternally grateful, if only for a little while.
It can't rain all the time.
The sun can't shine forever.
Eventually the sun sets; the light fades.
Yet in your arms Darkness shall not touch me.
It began to devour my soul.
I didn't think that Light would ever find me.
There is no light around me... nothing to scare away the shadows.
But now i'm blinded beautifully by a new Light in my life.
I had almost forgotten how blissfully painful the Sun really is.
Shining down upon me it burns so sweetly and i can't help but smile.
For once the shadows of my soul are cleansed by your light.
I wake up in the morning with no weight upon my spirit.
My wings were broken and useless.
Crippled and tied i hobbled in darkness never thinking i'd soar again.
But now my wings are full and beautiful once again.
Do i even remember what it feels like to fly?
What it feels like to glide on the winds of exstacy?
My wings are new and happiness may not last forever.
Will you catch me if i fall?
All i want to do is fall into your luminescence.
I want your raging fire to brand my soul and keep me warm forever.
You have given me a reason to truly smile again.
You have brought me light; Happiness; Freedom from the corrupt darkness...
For this i shall never be able to repay you.
But i am eternally grateful, if only for a little while.
It can't rain all the time.
The sun can't shine forever.
Eventually the sun sets; the light fades.
Yet in your arms Darkness shall not touch me.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Love Knows no Bounds
"What do you think of large age differences in a relationship?" - Anon
Well, "large" is a relative term. Some people get weirded out from dating someone 3 years younger than them, so i guess it really depends on the person. The oldest person I had dated was 27 when I was 20 and the youngest person I've dated was 18 when I was about to turn 23. I guess it really all depends on how comfortable the person is. Some people like to make a really big deal about age difference, and although i can see how it could create certain issues and problems, I don't see why it should be such a big issues. The only time it should really be an issue is if it goes against your states statutory rape laws.
I think that certain age differences can work out. The longer you're out of high school, the less that type of thing tends to bother you. I think it really depends on maturity level. The 18 year old I dated was honestly much more mature and responsible than the 27 year old I dated. Just because someone has a few years under their belt, doesn't mean that they're grown up.
I think there are certain big life changing issues that might cause a bit of friction such as having children, getting married, moving in together and things such as that. If a 25 year old is dating an 18 year old, usually that 25 year old is at the point in their life where they are ready to start settling down, getting married, starting a family, and just pretty much looking to put down some roots. The 18 year old however, is probably not so keen on such ideas. They are only 18 after all. Why would they want to miss out on bars? drinking? college? parties? hanging out with friends? These things are all pretty tricky to do when you have a baby and a family. So it really depends what you want out of life, each others maturity level, and your compatibility.
But I do think that relationships with age differences can work out.
Well, "large" is a relative term. Some people get weirded out from dating someone 3 years younger than them, so i guess it really depends on the person. The oldest person I had dated was 27 when I was 20 and the youngest person I've dated was 18 when I was about to turn 23. I guess it really all depends on how comfortable the person is. Some people like to make a really big deal about age difference, and although i can see how it could create certain issues and problems, I don't see why it should be such a big issues. The only time it should really be an issue is if it goes against your states statutory rape laws.
I think that certain age differences can work out. The longer you're out of high school, the less that type of thing tends to bother you. I think it really depends on maturity level. The 18 year old I dated was honestly much more mature and responsible than the 27 year old I dated. Just because someone has a few years under their belt, doesn't mean that they're grown up.
I think there are certain big life changing issues that might cause a bit of friction such as having children, getting married, moving in together and things such as that. If a 25 year old is dating an 18 year old, usually that 25 year old is at the point in their life where they are ready to start settling down, getting married, starting a family, and just pretty much looking to put down some roots. The 18 year old however, is probably not so keen on such ideas. They are only 18 after all. Why would they want to miss out on bars? drinking? college? parties? hanging out with friends? These things are all pretty tricky to do when you have a baby and a family. So it really depends what you want out of life, each others maturity level, and your compatibility.
But I do think that relationships with age differences can work out.
Monday, December 27, 2010
All Voices are Beautiful in the House of God
"Do You go to church on Christmas?" - Anon
I am not very much of a church goer at all, honestly. My mother would send me to church with the neighbors as a child and I would put up with it, if only to get a chance to see my friends and eat the delicious baked goods after the service was over, but church has never really been my thing. I didn't come from a religious/Christian household where church was part of my upbringing, so it was never a really big deal for me. My father attended an Armenian Eastern Orthodox Church, and occasionally while visiting relatives, I would attend services there.
I went through a phase for about half a year where I actually chose to be baptized to a Southern Baptist church in my area and was a pretty hard core Bible thumper for a while, but that didn't last long, because that's just not the type of person I really am. I was searching for guidance at the time and thought that I could possibly find it in church.
As far as going to church on Christmas goes? Usually, I do not. This year however, I had a lot going on in my life and decided since I was so bummed out around the holidays and don't have any family in the area, perhaps I should go, if only to get out of the house.
I really enjoyed the service that I went to. It had a big jolly Irish pastor, many of the little things they did were very Pennsylvania Dutch in origin, the music selection was beautiful, and all around it was a good experience. I've always enjoyed going to church for the simple fact that no matter how many people there might be, and whether they or good or bad singers, the voices when raised in praise just blend together beautifully. As the title states, all voices are beautiful in the house of God. I really do enjoy the feeling around the holidays in a church. It feels more accepting than usual and the feeling of fellowship is definitely there. People just seem to be in much better spirits around the holidays, and won't jump down my throat because I haven't accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior.
I am not very much of a church goer at all, honestly. My mother would send me to church with the neighbors as a child and I would put up with it, if only to get a chance to see my friends and eat the delicious baked goods after the service was over, but church has never really been my thing. I didn't come from a religious/Christian household where church was part of my upbringing, so it was never a really big deal for me. My father attended an Armenian Eastern Orthodox Church, and occasionally while visiting relatives, I would attend services there.
I went through a phase for about half a year where I actually chose to be baptized to a Southern Baptist church in my area and was a pretty hard core Bible thumper for a while, but that didn't last long, because that's just not the type of person I really am. I was searching for guidance at the time and thought that I could possibly find it in church.
As far as going to church on Christmas goes? Usually, I do not. This year however, I had a lot going on in my life and decided since I was so bummed out around the holidays and don't have any family in the area, perhaps I should go, if only to get out of the house.
I really enjoyed the service that I went to. It had a big jolly Irish pastor, many of the little things they did were very Pennsylvania Dutch in origin, the music selection was beautiful, and all around it was a good experience. I've always enjoyed going to church for the simple fact that no matter how many people there might be, and whether they or good or bad singers, the voices when raised in praise just blend together beautifully. As the title states, all voices are beautiful in the house of God. I really do enjoy the feeling around the holidays in a church. It feels more accepting than usual and the feeling of fellowship is definitely there. People just seem to be in much better spirits around the holidays, and won't jump down my throat because I haven't accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Cages
CAGES
So many choices; Too many paths.
Some leading forward and others further back.
Which road to travel? Which one to take?
No matter which choice it's a tough one to make.
For everywhere i seem to peer,
A cage from out of no where appears.
A cage is a cage no matter how big.
Eventually there are limits to all things.
I am in a cage right now... a pretty cage with great terrain.
But a cage none the less.
cages come in all shapes and sizes.
Yet gilded cages are the worst.
I am a wolf.
A free spirit.
A rebel.
Yet more and more i find cages closing in around me.
Brilliantly beautiful cages.
The brilliance of the shine almost hides the bars yet my predatory eyes can still see them through the glare.
Any way i look i find a cage and i know i will have to choose.
It simply depends if i want a short leash with a beautiful cage;
or a wide open cage with uncomfortable animals to share it with.
Either way i will need to choose or starve alone in the wilderness.
I may be a hunter but the prey has moved on and can no longer be found.
So do i give up independence and freedom for a full dog dish and a leash
or do i live off of freedom until i starve and draw my last breath?
It's a typical situation in these typical times;
Too many choices.
So many choices; Too many paths.
Some leading forward and others further back.
Which road to travel? Which one to take?
No matter which choice it's a tough one to make.
For everywhere i seem to peer,
A cage from out of no where appears.
A cage is a cage no matter how big.
Eventually there are limits to all things.
I am in a cage right now... a pretty cage with great terrain.
But a cage none the less.
cages come in all shapes and sizes.
Yet gilded cages are the worst.
I am a wolf.
A free spirit.
A rebel.
Yet more and more i find cages closing in around me.
Brilliantly beautiful cages.
The brilliance of the shine almost hides the bars yet my predatory eyes can still see them through the glare.
Any way i look i find a cage and i know i will have to choose.
It simply depends if i want a short leash with a beautiful cage;
or a wide open cage with uncomfortable animals to share it with.
Either way i will need to choose or starve alone in the wilderness.
I may be a hunter but the prey has moved on and can no longer be found.
So do i give up independence and freedom for a full dog dish and a leash
or do i live off of freedom until i starve and draw my last breath?
It's a typical situation in these typical times;
Too many choices.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Friends? And Love?
This is pretty much just a rant.
You know what really bothers me? People who say they love you. say they're your friends and that they will always be there for you, and then when you go to them for help, love, compassion and support, they are always too busy. They manage to squeeze everyone else into their tight knit schedule, yet here you are, sitting alone, feeling liek you have no one on your side. And the one person you reach out to can't be bothered. There is always some excuse. Always some "good reason" why they don't have time for you.
You know what really bothers me? People who say they love you. say they're your friends and that they will always be there for you, and then when you go to them for help, love, compassion and support, they are always too busy. They manage to squeeze everyone else into their tight knit schedule, yet here you are, sitting alone, feeling liek you have no one on your side. And the one person you reach out to can't be bothered. There is always some excuse. Always some "good reason" why they don't have time for you.
And on the other side of things, if any of these people called me for help, even just a shoulder to cry on or someone to vent to, I would drop everything in a heartbeat for them. Because they are my friends and I love them. But what happens when i need that shoulder? That ear to just hear me out. That person just to be there? They are drinking away their own "problems" with all of their "friends." Glad to be included.
I don't understand why I put myself through this. I try to be as loving and accepting as I possibly can of people. I know people aren't perfect. Yet I love and accept them anyway. I know people do make mistakes. Yet I forgive and love and accept them anyway. I know some people are selfish yet I forgive them, and love and accept them anyway. Yet I'm told I'm weak. That I can't just let people go because that rare time when they do contact me, I listen and I care. Because even though there were bad times in the past with them, i still know they have the ability of being a good person. Why do people insist on hating those other individuals when they do something wrong? THEY ARE JUST HUMAN!
How would we feel if the one time we made a mistake people would hate us and shun us forever for it? I thought living life was about becoming a better person. A more developed and caring soul. To realize that it's not what happens in your life, or what you go through; that it's the way we treat people that really matters. That's what really helps us grow as individuals. Am I weak for talking to people who have wronged or hurt me in the past because I can forgive and accept them for not being perfect? Am I wrong for trying to be the best human being that I can be and have no prejudices? Am I wrong for trying to love others as God (whatever you wish to call It) would love?
If I'm wrong for loving, accepting and forgiving people the way that God, the Goddess, whatever you wanna call it would love, then this world is more fucked up than i gave it credit for. But you know what? I forgive the world. I forgive society. And i still forgive those who think I'm wrong. And I love them! So if i'm wrong, than all I ask is to be forgiven and loved despite my flaws. Is that so much to ask?
Friday, December 24, 2010
Suffering
SUFFERING
I'm resting on the edge again; don't wanna die, afraid to live.
i reach for the light but it escapes me, as i barrel down through the darkness.
The tunnel of pain envelopes me and grasps my soul in its filthy clutch.
It knows that i am not as different as i wish to be.
It knows the scars upon my soul.
It knows the pain i hide deep away inside of me.
It longs to let the dark beast within me free.
Hidden in the dank trenches of my blackened soul, the depression lies... waiting.
The smile you see, a fake facade, so easily made so easily broken.
The tears always waiting on the ends of my lashes to fall and show truth.
A Happy lie... such cheerful deceit...
if only you knew the suffering i fight every day.
If only you knew the constant struggle i am left with.
If you only knew how i am filled to the breaking point with such self loathing and hatred that i see myself as a plague on all others happiness.
the only truth i see within myself is that i live to destroy... i love to hate.
i am like a disease... i have no cure... no special medicine.
I grow on you like a cancerous growth; malignant and devouring until you are riddled with scars and hideous mutations that you no longer remember who you were.
i will change you.
I will destroy you.
Cut me out of your life like the cancer that i am.
I'm tired of this battle... this constant climb to overcome...
so much work to climb this mountain... how easy it would be to fall...
how easy it would be to simply let go and lose myself in the darkness...
filled with a writhing, ugly beast that devours my soul everyday...
but don't worry...
my mask will tumble
my tears will fall
my skin will break
my blood will flow
my heart will shatter...
but my mask will return
my tears will dry,
my skin will heal,
my blood will scab,
my heart will mend...
Just wait until morning and the mask will be whole and hiding again.
just wait until morning and the act will be ready to perform again.
Just wait until morning...
i need to make it to morning...
don't care if i ever see morning...
I'm resting on the edge again; don't wanna die, afraid to live.
i reach for the light but it escapes me, as i barrel down through the darkness.
The tunnel of pain envelopes me and grasps my soul in its filthy clutch.
It knows that i am not as different as i wish to be.
It knows the scars upon my soul.
It knows the pain i hide deep away inside of me.
It longs to let the dark beast within me free.
Hidden in the dank trenches of my blackened soul, the depression lies... waiting.
The smile you see, a fake facade, so easily made so easily broken.
The tears always waiting on the ends of my lashes to fall and show truth.
A Happy lie... such cheerful deceit...
if only you knew the suffering i fight every day.
If only you knew the constant struggle i am left with.
If you only knew how i am filled to the breaking point with such self loathing and hatred that i see myself as a plague on all others happiness.
the only truth i see within myself is that i live to destroy... i love to hate.
i am like a disease... i have no cure... no special medicine.
I grow on you like a cancerous growth; malignant and devouring until you are riddled with scars and hideous mutations that you no longer remember who you were.
i will change you.
I will destroy you.
Cut me out of your life like the cancer that i am.
I'm tired of this battle... this constant climb to overcome...
so much work to climb this mountain... how easy it would be to fall...
how easy it would be to simply let go and lose myself in the darkness...
filled with a writhing, ugly beast that devours my soul everyday...
but don't worry...
my mask will tumble
my tears will fall
my skin will break
my blood will flow
my heart will shatter...
but my mask will return
my tears will dry,
my skin will heal,
my blood will scab,
my heart will mend...
Just wait until morning and the mask will be whole and hiding again.
just wait until morning and the act will be ready to perform again.
Just wait until morning...
i need to make it to morning...
don't care if i ever see morning...
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Unfinished Puzzle
UNFINISHED PUZZLE
Unfinished Puzzle
My loneliness has filled and consumed me.
A hollow shell of desolation where once was life.
Where light flowed in abundance, darkness now drowns.
Despair turns beautiful thoughts into hideous, twisted things.
Where love once dwelled in my heart, now only self loathing and pity reside.
Who am I that deserves such a gift as love?
What good have I performed that I should so gladly receive such a boon as hope?
What special being might I be that I would be worthy of such unconditional affection?
This pain monopolizes every thought in my broken mind.
This suffering squanders what little hope my crippled heart might have held.
I lay here, a mutilated corpse of the person I once was.
A fractured soul, residing in a damaged form.
My faith has been destroyed, can anyone rebuild it?
My nerves have been shattered, can anyone fit the pieces back to their rightful place?
My heart has been torn asunder, can anyone revive its right to feel love once again?
My spirit has been dowsed with fear, can anyone reignite its hope?
Blazes of flame stream from my eyes and this fire burns all that lays beneath me.
Everything that I have attained is but insignificant to what has slipped through my grasp.
I give in to the bleakness, hoping, praying for acceptance.
Deep in the confines of my vacant soul, there speaks a voice:
"Maybe there is hope..."
What I wouldn't give to be complete again, but over time, the pieces have gone missing.
If I only knew the prose to utter, yet nothing but riddles spill from unspeaking lips.
If I only knew what tasks to perform to fill my empty heart with love,
I would carry them out on my dying breath.
What I need are hope and love, yet my search yields no answers or finds;
Like a child searching without hope for the pieces to an unfinished puzzle.
I feel I am doomed to lay ignored and wanting fulfillment.
Until my heart is made whole,
Until my doubting soul laid to rest,
Until my questioning mind is granted answers.
I will be thrown aside.
Never completed; Always wanting.
...Broken.
Unfinished Puzzle
My loneliness has filled and consumed me.
A hollow shell of desolation where once was life.
Where light flowed in abundance, darkness now drowns.
Despair turns beautiful thoughts into hideous, twisted things.
Where love once dwelled in my heart, now only self loathing and pity reside.
Who am I that deserves such a gift as love?
What good have I performed that I should so gladly receive such a boon as hope?
What special being might I be that I would be worthy of such unconditional affection?
This pain monopolizes every thought in my broken mind.
This suffering squanders what little hope my crippled heart might have held.
I lay here, a mutilated corpse of the person I once was.
A fractured soul, residing in a damaged form.
My faith has been destroyed, can anyone rebuild it?
My nerves have been shattered, can anyone fit the pieces back to their rightful place?
My heart has been torn asunder, can anyone revive its right to feel love once again?
My spirit has been dowsed with fear, can anyone reignite its hope?
Blazes of flame stream from my eyes and this fire burns all that lays beneath me.
Everything that I have attained is but insignificant to what has slipped through my grasp.
I give in to the bleakness, hoping, praying for acceptance.
Deep in the confines of my vacant soul, there speaks a voice:
"Maybe there is hope..."
What I wouldn't give to be complete again, but over time, the pieces have gone missing.
If I only knew the prose to utter, yet nothing but riddles spill from unspeaking lips.
If I only knew what tasks to perform to fill my empty heart with love,
I would carry them out on my dying breath.
What I need are hope and love, yet my search yields no answers or finds;
Like a child searching without hope for the pieces to an unfinished puzzle.
I feel I am doomed to lay ignored and wanting fulfillment.
Until my heart is made whole,
Until my doubting soul laid to rest,
Until my questioning mind is granted answers.
I will be thrown aside.
Never completed; Always wanting.
...Broken.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Children of the Wild
CHILDREN OF THE WILD
Run with me through the shadows of the night, my love.
The pale moonlight playing like diamonds upon us; soft. serene.
Exploring new paths walked by the Gods themselves in times of old.
Fearless and free shall we run, for we are the children of the wild.
Never shall I chain you down, my love.
Some are made to never experience bonds of any form.
I shall not chain or leash thee, yet run forever by your side;
As the winds follow behind a storm, so too shall I follow you where our paths may lead.
Nothing to bind us, for in true love, there are no bonds, simply respect.
An equal.
A partner.
No restraints of any kind shall ever bind us in this love,
Yet our hearts will race forever along the arteries of the darkness.
I know in my deepest of hearts where I belong and that is by your side.
Run with me through the shadows of the night, my love.
The pale moonlight playing like diamonds upon us; soft. serene.
Exploring new paths walked by the Gods themselves in times of old.
Fearless and free shall we run, for we are the children of the wild.
Never shall I chain you down, my love.
Some are made to never experience bonds of any form.
I shall not chain or leash thee, yet run forever by your side;
As the winds follow behind a storm, so too shall I follow you where our paths may lead.
Nothing to bind us, for in true love, there are no bonds, simply respect.
An equal.
A partner.
No restraints of any kind shall ever bind us in this love,
Yet our hearts will race forever along the arteries of the darkness.
I know in my deepest of hearts where I belong and that is by your side.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Porcelain Doll
PORCELAIN DOLL
Dress me in frills and lace to hide my scars.
Place that bonnet on my head, for it will be my noose.
Drape my curls in perfect ringlets that I may hide my lifeless eyes behind.
Paint the smile on my face that I may wear it as my mask.
Place me on the shelf with the rest of your collection, for your hungry eyes to feast upon.
Such beauty.
Such perfection.
Do they know inside I'm hollow?
Do they know inside this porcelain mask I hold the pain of the world?
My listless eyes gaze longingly at my surroundings.
Why can't I feel the joy around me?
Why is my beauty only superficial?
I feel so very alone, yet I'm placed with others like me.
Together, in our alienation we stand in pure perfection.
Suffering the neglect of those who claim to love us.
For although we are beautiful, we are fragile.
Kiss me and ruin my painted smile.
Hold me and crush my flawless curls.
Love me and wrinkle my immaculate silks.
Crush me and turn loose the darkness within.
I envy the ragdoll;
So soft.
So pliable.
So easily fixed when she is broken.
Used and abused yet, loved tenderly.
She is something to be adored in her uncomplicated splendor.
Filled with the simplest of soft creations.
Yet for all my beauty, I am abandoned on a dark shelf in your life.
Protected.
Kept safe.
I would rather be broken by love,
Than sit in loneliness forever never knowing the touch of true euphoria.
Break me with your passion and fill the hole within me with your tears of ecstasy.
For in that moment of pure rapture when I am broken will I feel the true joy and depth of your love.
Dress me in frills and lace to hide my scars.
Place that bonnet on my head, for it will be my noose.
Drape my curls in perfect ringlets that I may hide my lifeless eyes behind.
Paint the smile on my face that I may wear it as my mask.
Place me on the shelf with the rest of your collection, for your hungry eyes to feast upon.
Such beauty.
Such perfection.
Do they know inside I'm hollow?
Do they know inside this porcelain mask I hold the pain of the world?
My listless eyes gaze longingly at my surroundings.
Why can't I feel the joy around me?
Why is my beauty only superficial?
I feel so very alone, yet I'm placed with others like me.
Together, in our alienation we stand in pure perfection.
Suffering the neglect of those who claim to love us.
For although we are beautiful, we are fragile.
Kiss me and ruin my painted smile.
Hold me and crush my flawless curls.
Love me and wrinkle my immaculate silks.
Crush me and turn loose the darkness within.
I envy the ragdoll;
So soft.
So pliable.
So easily fixed when she is broken.
Used and abused yet, loved tenderly.
She is something to be adored in her uncomplicated splendor.
Filled with the simplest of soft creations.
Yet for all my beauty, I am abandoned on a dark shelf in your life.
Protected.
Kept safe.
I would rather be broken by love,
Than sit in loneliness forever never knowing the touch of true euphoria.
Break me with your passion and fill the hole within me with your tears of ecstasy.
For in that moment of pure rapture when I am broken will I feel the true joy and depth of your love.
Monday, December 20, 2010
The Darkness
THE DARKNESS
I grow weary of the light, my love.
I become tired of the sun's harsh light.
The torturous rays that pierce my very soul.
The luminescence that blinds my sensitive mind from the dark beauty of the abyss.
The beams that painfully stab through my pale flesh as knives through delicate draped lace.
The searing heat that turns my haunting pallor to a singed husk.
Will you walk the path of shadows, my love?
And walk the trail of the blackest night?
Paved with the remnants of the stars themselves?
You can be my Dark Prince, my love.
And I your Lady of the Night, draped in dusky gloom.
I'm so tired of the light, my love.
Let me absorb the darkness and shroud myself in the mysteries of the stars;
Where only you and i shall know the secrets that the shadows hide.
The jagged shadows of the day hold more lies than all the veiled truth of the night.
Won't you dance with me, my love,
The dance of time itself?
Feel the witching hour draw nigh and hold me in your dark embrace.
Sense the blackness flow around you as sands in an hour glass, never returning.
We are everything and nothing in this void.
Dance the steps of the Elders in this waltz of tenebrosity.
Feel it envelope us in this promenade of the Ages.
In this darkness hides the beauty forever cast in shadows.
We are one as before, and so shall we ever be.
By His Will, So Mote It Be.
I grow weary of the light, my love.
I become tired of the sun's harsh light.
The torturous rays that pierce my very soul.
The luminescence that blinds my sensitive mind from the dark beauty of the abyss.
The beams that painfully stab through my pale flesh as knives through delicate draped lace.
The searing heat that turns my haunting pallor to a singed husk.
Will you walk the path of shadows, my love?
And walk the trail of the blackest night?
Paved with the remnants of the stars themselves?
You can be my Dark Prince, my love.
And I your Lady of the Night, draped in dusky gloom.
I'm so tired of the light, my love.
Let me absorb the darkness and shroud myself in the mysteries of the stars;
Where only you and i shall know the secrets that the shadows hide.
The jagged shadows of the day hold more lies than all the veiled truth of the night.
Won't you dance with me, my love,
The dance of time itself?
Feel the witching hour draw nigh and hold me in your dark embrace.
Sense the blackness flow around you as sands in an hour glass, never returning.
We are everything and nothing in this void.
Dance the steps of the Elders in this waltz of tenebrosity.
Feel it envelope us in this promenade of the Ages.
In this darkness hides the beauty forever cast in shadows.
We are one as before, and so shall we ever be.
By His Will, So Mote It Be.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Monster
MONSTER
Every day i hear the monster growling through this town.
Every day it's just a common occurrence that I've grown to accept.
I fear it, for I know it can destroy me, dragging me to its lair.
Yet, it fascinates me.
Everyday I wake up and it occupies my thoughts.
Sometimes I even work up the courage to face it head on.
To simply catch a glimpse of the Beast that could ruin me.
Day after day i've walked the path it travels.
Day after day, I've tempted the Fates by doing so.
And yet every time I hear it's menacing growling;
Every time i feel the rumbling of the great creature beneath my feet;
Every time I can almost feel it's hot breath on the nape of my neck;
I run.
Fear consumes me.
I watch from the brush as it barrels past me on its way.
Oblivious to the life it had almost taken.
One day I will face this monster, head on.
One day the rumbling will have no affect on my body.
One day it's growls will not terrify me so.
One day it will consume me, and I will be no more.
One day I will let the monster take me.
One day...
Every day i hear the monster growling through this town.
Every day it's just a common occurrence that I've grown to accept.
I fear it, for I know it can destroy me, dragging me to its lair.
Yet, it fascinates me.
Everyday I wake up and it occupies my thoughts.
Sometimes I even work up the courage to face it head on.
To simply catch a glimpse of the Beast that could ruin me.
Day after day i've walked the path it travels.
Day after day, I've tempted the Fates by doing so.
And yet every time I hear it's menacing growling;
Every time i feel the rumbling of the great creature beneath my feet;
Every time I can almost feel it's hot breath on the nape of my neck;
I run.
Fear consumes me.
I watch from the brush as it barrels past me on its way.
Oblivious to the life it had almost taken.
One day I will face this monster, head on.
One day the rumbling will have no affect on my body.
One day it's growls will not terrify me so.
One day it will consume me, and I will be no more.
One day I will let the monster take me.
One day...
Saturday, December 18, 2010
And I Will Fight No More
AND I WILL FIGHT NO MORE
Drowning in an ocean of my own despair;
the waves of turmoil ripping over my head like sheets of glass.
The bite of the wind stings my face as i gasp for breath.
Trying to ride the swells of this sea of confusion, yet failing miserably.
All is darkness except for the striking forks of lightning peeling through the darkness,
blistering my eyes in it's ferocity.
I see no comforting cove around me;
no shore to welcome my shaking legs.
I am thrown against the deeper darker reefs of my soul;
tearing, scratching clawing at my swollen skin as my blood flows like a cacophony into the water.
One lone boat attempts a rescue.
One brave soul has braved this storm to try and save this single, lowly life.
A line is thrown to me, but it is worn from prior use.
The rope is frayed, rough, cutting into my hands like shards of quicksilver.
I try and grasp hold of my only chance, yet find myself lacking the strength to trust such a rope.
The line is being pulled in.
Closer and closer i am tugged to safety.
But a hidden wall slams my salvation, tossing it wildly against the waves.
The captain yanks the rope hard, cutting into my tender hands and turns the boat to shore.
The salt stings my aching wounds.
To think such hope for salvation could cause such a deep wound.
This storm will die, and i within its grasp.
Swallowing my pride with a side of saltwater, I sink blissfully into the darkness.
Such a fool girl to think hope would come.
Such a fool heart to believe I could be saved.
Such a fool to put faith in others, for who would want to risk their own safety to save the neck of another?
If I cannot save myself, then I will let this sea of sorrow overtake me.
And I will fight no more...
Friday, December 17, 2010
The Train
THE TRAIN
I'm standing on the bridge during the darkest hours of the morning.
How fitting.
The rain and clouds mimic the turmoil in my soul.
The storm raging around me feel like a summer breeze.
The rain pelting my skin like butterfly kisses compared to the icy drops piercing my heart.
The wind raging around me is nothing compared to the squalls raging inside my troubled mind.
I've been thinking about taking this trip for a long time, but was always afraid to travel alone.
First time for everything I guess.
I had always contemplated this permanent vacation.
The end to bitter pain and possibly the beginning of something wonderful.
A fresh start, shall we say.
There comes a time in everyones life where the scenery becomes mundane and ordinary.
I was sick of the same old routine, living in this monochrome world.
I desperately needed a change, and I thought this was the best escape.
It's funny how my chosen method of transportation would be a train.
For many years the sounds of its ominous whistle lulled me to sleep.
Ironic really that something i was trying to escape would deliver me to my final destination.
I could hear it approaching town now, my heart racing as fast as it ate up the cold metal tracks.
Closer and closer it sped towards me, my steel carriage.
I stepped closer to the ledge awaiting my boarding, a little too close one may say.
The whistle shook my very being as I watched the blinding light emerge from around the turn.
This was it now... No going back.
I was going to do it this time.
Not like the other times where something had always kept me.
Perhaps me own fright more than anything.
I watched it speed closer, its chimes piercing through the night; not slowing a single bit.
I inched closer, feeling my feet lurch over the edge, welcoming this much desired trip.
No fear this time;
Just the feeling of returning to what I called home.
But then I felt it... you're eyes on the back of my head.
I turned, slipping, and you caught me;
A grip as hard as Iron; as tender as the love shining in your eyes.
You held me then.
I couldn't tell if it was the huge metal beast barreling down the tracks beneath our feet,
Or if it was the feeling of being in your arms, but I was shaking.
I had missed my boarding, my final vacation.
I had missed the Train.
...But I had still found my way home that night.
I'm standing on the bridge during the darkest hours of the morning.
How fitting.
The rain and clouds mimic the turmoil in my soul.
The storm raging around me feel like a summer breeze.
The rain pelting my skin like butterfly kisses compared to the icy drops piercing my heart.
The wind raging around me is nothing compared to the squalls raging inside my troubled mind.
I've been thinking about taking this trip for a long time, but was always afraid to travel alone.
First time for everything I guess.
I had always contemplated this permanent vacation.
The end to bitter pain and possibly the beginning of something wonderful.
A fresh start, shall we say.
There comes a time in everyones life where the scenery becomes mundane and ordinary.
I was sick of the same old routine, living in this monochrome world.
I desperately needed a change, and I thought this was the best escape.
It's funny how my chosen method of transportation would be a train.
For many years the sounds of its ominous whistle lulled me to sleep.
Ironic really that something i was trying to escape would deliver me to my final destination.
I could hear it approaching town now, my heart racing as fast as it ate up the cold metal tracks.
Closer and closer it sped towards me, my steel carriage.
I stepped closer to the ledge awaiting my boarding, a little too close one may say.
The whistle shook my very being as I watched the blinding light emerge from around the turn.
This was it now... No going back.
I was going to do it this time.
Not like the other times where something had always kept me.
Perhaps me own fright more than anything.
I watched it speed closer, its chimes piercing through the night; not slowing a single bit.
I inched closer, feeling my feet lurch over the edge, welcoming this much desired trip.
No fear this time;
Just the feeling of returning to what I called home.
But then I felt it... you're eyes on the back of my head.
I turned, slipping, and you caught me;
A grip as hard as Iron; as tender as the love shining in your eyes.
You held me then.
I couldn't tell if it was the huge metal beast barreling down the tracks beneath our feet,
Or if it was the feeling of being in your arms, but I was shaking.
I had missed my boarding, my final vacation.
I had missed the Train.
...But I had still found my way home that night.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Mirror
MIRROR
My life was once a reflection of my soul.
Dark, harsh,violent.
In this violence did the mirror break to display the shattered pieces of my heart.
You know what they say about mirrors;
Place the pieces as you wish, but you can still see the cracks.
Life is never the same once it breaks, as that mirror.
I was about to accept the shards that bore into me.
I had come to terms with the scars they would leave.
And then you arrived.
"Who needs a mirror to show you the facts of life?
A reflection is simply a mimic of true beauty."
You showed me that something broken could be art.
Use those pieces to create something beautiful, for that is what life is.
Taking the brokenness that we come to find and turning trash into treasure.
Those slivers of quicksilver quickly changed in my mind.
No longer were they broken reflections of a tortured soul.
No.
They had suddenly become more.
They became reflectors to brighten my life.
They became beautiful fragments that shone without match.
Each one unique.
Each one special.
I had come to see that even in a broken world, there was still good to be remembered.
There's no such thing as broken and useless,
Just an undiscovered idea
My life was once a reflection of my soul.
Dark, harsh,violent.
In this violence did the mirror break to display the shattered pieces of my heart.
You know what they say about mirrors;
Place the pieces as you wish, but you can still see the cracks.
Life is never the same once it breaks, as that mirror.
I was about to accept the shards that bore into me.
I had come to terms with the scars they would leave.
And then you arrived.
"Who needs a mirror to show you the facts of life?
A reflection is simply a mimic of true beauty."
You showed me that something broken could be art.
Use those pieces to create something beautiful, for that is what life is.
Taking the brokenness that we come to find and turning trash into treasure.
Those slivers of quicksilver quickly changed in my mind.
No longer were they broken reflections of a tortured soul.
No.
They had suddenly become more.
They became reflectors to brighten my life.
They became beautiful fragments that shone without match.
Each one unique.
Each one special.
I had come to see that even in a broken world, there was still good to be remembered.
There's no such thing as broken and useless,
Just an undiscovered idea
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Poetry Time!
So, I have decided that I would be sharing some of my poetry that I have written just to spice things up a little bit. I plan on posting one poem each day for at least a week. Sorry if this isn't something you weren't expecting, but i'm a spontaneous person after all! I write in free form metaphoric style most of the time. So here's the first one.
THE ENCORE
Alone again.
I touch up my crusting make up one last time.
Behind the curtain, I don my mask for one last performance.
The Encore was begged for.
One Final Act.
A simple slip knot my trick and trade.
So pretty.
So fragile.
Lace and lacquer hiding the scars of former high risk acts.
This time it shall be a success.
I've gathered everyone I've known and loved.
I've thanked the crowd time and again.
I won't disappoint them this time.
Not again.
Approaching the ledge, my hands are shaking.
The mask clings to the tears fresh on my face.
I don't want my act to end, yet my career has little following.
Better to retire at your pinnacle they always said.
I look at the audience, desperately wishing their applause this time.
I tie the satin cord around my throat; a necklace fit for a queen.
Before my daring stunt even begins, they are leaving.
I close my eyes for the last time and step.
The first and last flight on these broken wings.
Expecting to be embraced by sweet Oblivion; yet I'm mistaken and startled from my reverie.
I open my eyes, and find I've not fallen.
I was caught.
Your arms supporting my frame dangling from this delicate rope.
The only face standing out in a sea of fleeting figures.
The only face I could pick out clearly at every performance.
Yours.
The spotlight had fizzled and faded into growing darkness.
The only light illuminating my soul pouring from your eyes.
The soft salve of your words healing riddled wounds of the past.
The only sound breaking the unending silence are your cheers.
Your applause ringing through the stagnant silence.
Your vocal acclaims bombarding the iron curtain that has been drawn on this life's work.
And then the realization hits me.
I never needed their acceptance and applause.
I never needed their approval and fickle devotion.
Replaying the scenes in my mind, only you were a constant.
Through good and bad, you were there, unyielding.
I never needed them.
Only your smile and love.
Only You.
THE ENCORE
Alone again.
I touch up my crusting make up one last time.
Behind the curtain, I don my mask for one last performance.
The Encore was begged for.
One Final Act.
A simple slip knot my trick and trade.
So pretty.
So fragile.
Lace and lacquer hiding the scars of former high risk acts.
This time it shall be a success.
I've gathered everyone I've known and loved.
I've thanked the crowd time and again.
I won't disappoint them this time.
Not again.
Approaching the ledge, my hands are shaking.
The mask clings to the tears fresh on my face.
I don't want my act to end, yet my career has little following.
Better to retire at your pinnacle they always said.
I look at the audience, desperately wishing their applause this time.
I tie the satin cord around my throat; a necklace fit for a queen.
Before my daring stunt even begins, they are leaving.
I close my eyes for the last time and step.
The first and last flight on these broken wings.
Expecting to be embraced by sweet Oblivion; yet I'm mistaken and startled from my reverie.
I open my eyes, and find I've not fallen.
I was caught.
Your arms supporting my frame dangling from this delicate rope.
The only face standing out in a sea of fleeting figures.
The only face I could pick out clearly at every performance.
Yours.
The spotlight had fizzled and faded into growing darkness.
The only light illuminating my soul pouring from your eyes.
The soft salve of your words healing riddled wounds of the past.
The only sound breaking the unending silence are your cheers.
Your applause ringing through the stagnant silence.
Your vocal acclaims bombarding the iron curtain that has been drawn on this life's work.
And then the realization hits me.
I never needed their acceptance and applause.
I never needed their approval and fickle devotion.
Replaying the scenes in my mind, only you were a constant.
Through good and bad, you were there, unyielding.
I never needed them.
Only your smile and love.
Only You.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Promises are like pie crusts, easily made easily broken
"Do you give your trust easily?" - Anon
Yes, i have to say that i honestly do. I try and trust like I've never been hurt before. I tend to meet people and get to know them, but they have my trust until they do something to lose it. This has usually brought me a lot of heartache and pain and such, but I simply can't help myself as much as I've tried. I trust way too easily though and really should listen to my gut instincts. They are usually right on and incredibly accurate. My gut will tell me one thing about a person. My heart will tell me to give them a chance and be open and honest and accepting. My mind will tell me that everyone deserves a chance and that there has to be a shred of good in all people and that my gut feelings can't be relied upon because I might miss out on a chance of meeting one of the best people in my life. So it can kinda get very confusing.
Then there are the times that for some ungodly reason your heart, mind, and gut all align perfectly. You trust the person wholly and then little by little you find they aren't who they said they are. Things you thought they'd only say to you, they are saying to others. They make you feel special and then you find out you're just one out of a number of other people they are saying the exact same things to. And it hurts. You feel a rush of emotions like jealousy, heartache, pain, confusion. You thought you knew who you could trust, especially because everything in your body said you could trust this person. So in the end no you distrust two people: them and yourself. This is the worst kind of betrayal. You thought that even when everything in the world is going wrong, that you could still rely on yourself to trust. But then you find out that it was wrong.
Are they that good of a liar? Are they that much of a psychic vampire that they can feed off your emotions and feelings and manipulate them to make you trust them? This is the worst kind of person out there. Playing off a persons emotions, their hopes, their dreams. Promising things and then shattering them.
So is it safe to trust people? honestly, no. But trust is a risk you need to take or you will die lonely and alone. Trust is the risk taken in order to find love, and love is always worth the risk.
Yes, i have to say that i honestly do. I try and trust like I've never been hurt before. I tend to meet people and get to know them, but they have my trust until they do something to lose it. This has usually brought me a lot of heartache and pain and such, but I simply can't help myself as much as I've tried. I trust way too easily though and really should listen to my gut instincts. They are usually right on and incredibly accurate. My gut will tell me one thing about a person. My heart will tell me to give them a chance and be open and honest and accepting. My mind will tell me that everyone deserves a chance and that there has to be a shred of good in all people and that my gut feelings can't be relied upon because I might miss out on a chance of meeting one of the best people in my life. So it can kinda get very confusing.
Then there are the times that for some ungodly reason your heart, mind, and gut all align perfectly. You trust the person wholly and then little by little you find they aren't who they said they are. Things you thought they'd only say to you, they are saying to others. They make you feel special and then you find out you're just one out of a number of other people they are saying the exact same things to. And it hurts. You feel a rush of emotions like jealousy, heartache, pain, confusion. You thought you knew who you could trust, especially because everything in your body said you could trust this person. So in the end no you distrust two people: them and yourself. This is the worst kind of betrayal. You thought that even when everything in the world is going wrong, that you could still rely on yourself to trust. But then you find out that it was wrong.
Are they that good of a liar? Are they that much of a psychic vampire that they can feed off your emotions and feelings and manipulate them to make you trust them? This is the worst kind of person out there. Playing off a persons emotions, their hopes, their dreams. Promising things and then shattering them.
So is it safe to trust people? honestly, no. But trust is a risk you need to take or you will die lonely and alone. Trust is the risk taken in order to find love, and love is always worth the risk.
Monday, December 13, 2010
And Your Word is...
"Ever won a spelling bee?" - Anon
Despite the fact that I love writing, I've never been the best at spelling. Don't get me wrong. I got into plenty of spelling bees in school but i would purposely bomb them. My brother was always the one who would get into the spelling bees and do that kind of stuff in school. I never liked spelling bees at all. I was more the type to join those traveling jeopardy teams that went to competitions and such and memorized useless knowledge that would probably never help me unless I got onto 'Who wants to be a millionaire' or 'Jeopardy'.
But I would purposely bomb spelling bees. I had stage fright and would hate getting up in front of the class to spell stuff, let alone get up in front of the entire school. I would much rather waste my time sitting in the auditorium chatting with friends while people were up on stage spelling. I didn't want to be that person that lost the spelling bee, so I never did it.
Despite the fact that I love writing, I've never been the best at spelling. Don't get me wrong. I got into plenty of spelling bees in school but i would purposely bomb them. My brother was always the one who would get into the spelling bees and do that kind of stuff in school. I never liked spelling bees at all. I was more the type to join those traveling jeopardy teams that went to competitions and such and memorized useless knowledge that would probably never help me unless I got onto 'Who wants to be a millionaire' or 'Jeopardy'.
But I would purposely bomb spelling bees. I had stage fright and would hate getting up in front of the class to spell stuff, let alone get up in front of the entire school. I would much rather waste my time sitting in the auditorium chatting with friends while people were up on stage spelling. I didn't want to be that person that lost the spelling bee, so I never did it.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Year of the Dragon?
"What is your Chinese astrological sign?" - Anon
Well, this is debatable. Depending on where you look I'm either born in the year of the Hare or the year of the Dragon. If you look at the actual date of the Chinese New Year for the year i was born, I just barely fall into the Year of the Hare. But if you look at any book that just qualifies the entire year as that sign, I was born in the year of the Dragon.
Well, this is debatable. Depending on where you look I'm either born in the year of the Hare or the year of the Dragon. If you look at the actual date of the Chinese New Year for the year i was born, I just barely fall into the Year of the Hare. But if you look at any book that just qualifies the entire year as that sign, I was born in the year of the Dragon.
Personality
Occupying the 5th position in the Chinese Zodiac, the Dragon is the mightiest of the signs. Dragons symbolize such character traits as dominance and ambition. Dragons prefer to live by their own rules and if left on their own, are usually successful. They’re driven, unafraid of challenges, and willing to take risks. They’re passionate in all they do and they do things in grand fashion. Unfortunately, this passion and enthusiasm can leave Dragons feeling exhausted and interestingly, unfulfilled.
While Dragons frequently help others, rarely will they ask for help. Others are attracted to Dragons, especially their colorful personalities, but deep down, Dragons prefer to be alone. Perhaps that is because they’re most successful when working alone. Their preference to be alone can come across as arrogance or conceitedness, but these qualities aren’t applicable. Dragons have tempers that can flare fast!
Health
Considering their hard-working nature, Dragons are healthy overall. They do get stressed and suffer from periodic tension/headaches, likely because they take so many risks. Dragons could benefit from incorporating mild activity into their lives. Yoga or walking would be good as these activities can work both their minds and their bodies.
Career
Dragons prefer leading to being led. Jobs that allow them to express their creativity are good choices. Some good careers include: inventor, manager, computer analyst, lawyer, engineer, architect, broker, and sales person.
Relationships
Dragons will give into love, but won’t give up their independence. Because they have quick, sometimes vengeful tempers, their partners need to be tough-skinned. Dragons enjoy others who are intriguing, and when they find the right partners, they’ll usually commit to that person for life.
Earth Dragons – Years 1928 and 1988
More rooted in the ground, Earth Dragons make better decisions because they act more rationally. Earth Dragons are level-headed and able to control their behaviors. They’re more supportive of others, but they prefer being admired by others.
And then the Year of the Hare
Personality
Occupying the 4th position in the Chinese Zodiac, the Rabbit symbolizes such character traits as creativity, compassion, and sensitivity. Rabbits are friendly, outgoing and prefer the company of others. They also prefer to avoid conflict. In confrontational situations, Rabbits approach calmly and with consideration for the other party. Rabbits believe strongly in friends and family and lacking such bonds can lead to emotional issues.
Their serene nature keeps Rabbits from becoming visibly upset. Because they’re serene animals, Rabbits are easily taken advantage of. Their sensitive nature makes them shy away from aggressive or competitive situations. They’re overall conservative and not interested in taking risks.
Classy, sophisticated, expressive, well-mannered and stylish, those born under the Sign of the Rabbit enjoy leaning about cultural issues and learning about people from other countries. Rabbits are most comfortable being home, and their homes are always neat and organized. Home is also where Rabbits prefer to entertain. Rabbits are conservative in their decorating tastes.
Rabbits should work at building more self-confidence and self-worth so they can feel more secure. The desire for remaining in safe, comfortable environments keeps Rabbits from taking risks which sometimes causes them to miss out on good opportunities.
Health
Even though Rabbits don’t usually get visibly upset or stressed, they do tend to keep these feelings inside. When they don’t express these feelings, such feeling can cause Rabbits to become ill. Rabbits could benefit from more everyday activity which would reduce their stress levels and better their health.
Relationships
Rabbits are very sexual, but tend to give more of themselves than they should. This can lead to unrealistic expectations and unhealthy situations. Rabbits need partners who won’t take advantage of their giving nature. Such pairings will be strong.
Career
Rabbits are articulate and good communicators which is why friends and acquaintances seek out their advice. It’s also why Rabbits make excellent diplomats and politicians. Other good careers for Rabbits include: writer, publisher, actor, fashion designer, therapist, doctor, administrator, public relations, and teacher.
Fire Rabbits – Years 1927 and 1988
Fire adds spark to the Rabbit’s personality and all that Fire Rabbits do. Fire compels Rabbits to seek new adventures. Prone to tantrums, Fire Rabbits prefer to avoid conflict.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
And on Behalf of the Moon...
"When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?" - Anon
Well, despite the fact it's past this holiday, I'll answer this question. I used to dress up as a bunch of different things. As one can imagine, being a little girl I enjoyed dressing up as princesses. I remember going as princess Jasmine as well as Belle from Beauty and the Beast. I remember going as a cowgirl, a vampire, an army girl. I went as Sporty Spice one time. I once went as Sailor Mercury from Sailor Moon. That was totally fun to dress up as. I was dressed as a devil when I was teeny tiny.
My fave costumes I would have to say were when I crossed dressed. One year I went as Benji from Good Charlotte. It was a totally weird costume and no one knew who I was but a select few people. The year after that, I went as captain Jack Sparrow and let me tell you, I made a sexy Captain Jack Sparrow. The best part about that costume was that year in school, the bands theme was pirates of the Caribbean. So i remember walking into music class and there were a few practicing band members there. They started up playing "He's a Pirate,". Needless to say, I felt pretty epic.
Well, despite the fact it's past this holiday, I'll answer this question. I used to dress up as a bunch of different things. As one can imagine, being a little girl I enjoyed dressing up as princesses. I remember going as princess Jasmine as well as Belle from Beauty and the Beast. I remember going as a cowgirl, a vampire, an army girl. I went as Sporty Spice one time. I once went as Sailor Mercury from Sailor Moon. That was totally fun to dress up as. I was dressed as a devil when I was teeny tiny.
My fave costumes I would have to say were when I crossed dressed. One year I went as Benji from Good Charlotte. It was a totally weird costume and no one knew who I was but a select few people. The year after that, I went as captain Jack Sparrow and let me tell you, I made a sexy Captain Jack Sparrow. The best part about that costume was that year in school, the bands theme was pirates of the Caribbean. So i remember walking into music class and there were a few practicing band members there. They started up playing "He's a Pirate,". Needless to say, I felt pretty epic.
Friday, December 10, 2010
To Each Their Own
"What is your biggest pet peeve?" - Anon
I would say my biggest pet peeve is a lack of acceptance for others. I absolutely can't stand how people disrespect others for their beliefs or opinions. Like if one person is a Republican, people will take issue. If a person decides to smoke pot, people take issue. If a person is homosexual, people take issue. I just really wish that people would respect other's personal choices and lifestyles, even if it's not something they agree with.
Who is society to tell us what is normal and acceptable? Last I checked I was born with a brain and free will, therefor let me use it. I may not agree with abortion for example, but that doesn't mean I should put someone down because they are pro choice, or have had an abortion themselves. If we could all just get along and agree to disagree I think the world could be a much better place. It's not acceptance that I wish for, but tolerance. But if people wish to disagree and push their opinions and beliefs on others, let them. It's not my place to tell them not to. My will isn't so weak that if someone tells me to do something because they think what I'm doing is wrong I'll listen to them. I am no social lemming, and as I respect their choices, I would only hope for the same courtesy in return.
I would say my biggest pet peeve is a lack of acceptance for others. I absolutely can't stand how people disrespect others for their beliefs or opinions. Like if one person is a Republican, people will take issue. If a person decides to smoke pot, people take issue. If a person is homosexual, people take issue. I just really wish that people would respect other's personal choices and lifestyles, even if it's not something they agree with.
Who is society to tell us what is normal and acceptable? Last I checked I was born with a brain and free will, therefor let me use it. I may not agree with abortion for example, but that doesn't mean I should put someone down because they are pro choice, or have had an abortion themselves. If we could all just get along and agree to disagree I think the world could be a much better place. It's not acceptance that I wish for, but tolerance. But if people wish to disagree and push their opinions and beliefs on others, let them. It's not my place to tell them not to. My will isn't so weak that if someone tells me to do something because they think what I'm doing is wrong I'll listen to them. I am no social lemming, and as I respect their choices, I would only hope for the same courtesy in return.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Make that Money
"What do you do for a living? What is your dream job?" - Anon
Well, currently I'm employed at an Amazon.com warehouse for the Christmas season. The hours are long and hard (11.5 hour days) 4 days straight (plus mandatory overtime if needed). I have to say i really don't enjoy it. I would rather work a warehouse job 8 hours a day for 5 days a week but, enh, I don't make the schedule. The money is pretty good though I must admit. But working there during the holidays really sucks. It's so busy and crazy and hectic.
I also design and make homemade costuming in the renaissance style. This is mostly for the LARP that I attend. I also make accessories such as fashion masks and jewelry to go along with the costumes. it ranges from kilts, to peasant blouses to oriental style costuming so it's pretty fun.
Ideally, I would love to be a rock star, a Suicide Girl, or a tattoo artist/piercer. I've always wanted to get into tattooing because I thought it would be fun and interesting. Plus it's the type of alternative lifestyle job where I wouldn't need to take out my piercings and cover up my tattoos which I really enjoy. I like jobs where I can be myself and put my talents to good use.
Well, currently I'm employed at an Amazon.com warehouse for the Christmas season. The hours are long and hard (11.5 hour days) 4 days straight (plus mandatory overtime if needed). I have to say i really don't enjoy it. I would rather work a warehouse job 8 hours a day for 5 days a week but, enh, I don't make the schedule. The money is pretty good though I must admit. But working there during the holidays really sucks. It's so busy and crazy and hectic.
I also design and make homemade costuming in the renaissance style. This is mostly for the LARP that I attend. I also make accessories such as fashion masks and jewelry to go along with the costumes. it ranges from kilts, to peasant blouses to oriental style costuming so it's pretty fun.
Ideally, I would love to be a rock star, a Suicide Girl, or a tattoo artist/piercer. I've always wanted to get into tattooing because I thought it would be fun and interesting. Plus it's the type of alternative lifestyle job where I wouldn't need to take out my piercings and cover up my tattoos which I really enjoy. I like jobs where I can be myself and put my talents to good use.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
The History of Yule
A Festival of Light:
Many cultures have winter festivals that are in fact celebrations of light. In addition to Christmas, there's Hanukkah with its brightly lit menorahs, Kwanzaa candles, and any number of other holidays. The Pagan holiday called Yule takes place on the day of the winter solstice, around December 21. On that day (or close to it), an amazing thing happens in the sky. The earth's axis tilts away from the sun in the Northern Hemisphere, and the sun reaches at its greatest distance from the equatorial plane. As a festival of the Sun, the most important part of any Yule celebration is light -- candles, bonfires, and more.
Origins of Yule:
In the Northern hemisphere, the winter solstice has been celebrated for millenia. The Norse peoples viewed it as a time for much feasting, merrymaking, and, if the Icelandic sagas are to be believed, a time of sacrifice as well. Traditional customs such as the Yule log, the decorated tree, and wassailing can all be traced back to Norse origins.
Celtic Celebrations of Winter:
The Celts of the British Isles celebrated midwinter as well. Although little is known about the specifics of what they did, many traditions persist. According to the writings of Pliny the Elder, this is the time of year in which Druid priests sacrificed a white bull and gathered mistletoe in celebration.
Roman Saturnalia:
Few cultures knew how to party like the Romans. Saturnalia was a festival of general merrymaking and debauchery held around the time of the winter solstice. This week-long party was held in honor of the god Saturn, and involved sacrifices, gift-giving, special privileges for slaves, and a lot of feasting. Although this holiday was partly about giving presents, more importantly, it was to honor an agricultural god.
Welcoming the Sun Through the Ages:
Four thousand years ago, the Ancient Egyptians took the time to celebrate the daily rebirth of Horus - the god of the Sun. As their culture flourished and spread throughout Mesopotamia, other civilizations decided to get in on the sun-welcoming action. They found that things went really well... until the weather got cooler, and crops began to die. Each year, this cycle of birth, death and rebirth took place, and they began to realize that every year after a period of cold and darkness, the Sun did indeed return.
Winter festivals were also common in Greece and Rome, as well as in the British Isles. When a new religion called Christianity popped up, the new hierarchy had trouble converting the Pagans, and as such, folks didn't want to give up their old holidays. Christian churches were built on old Pagan worship sites, and Pagan symbols were incorporated into the symbolism of Christianity. Within a few centuries, the Christians had everyone worshipping a new holiday celebrated on December 25.
In some traditions of Wicca and Paganism, the Yule celebration comes from the Celtic legend of the battle between the young Oak King and the Holly King. The Oak King, representing the light of the new year, tries each year to usurp the old Holly King, who is the symbol of darkness. Re-enactment of the battle is popular in some Wiccan rituals.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Walking in a Winter Wonderland
"What are some of your favorite winter activities?" - Anon
Well, growing up I was always outside until it started getting dark and my parents had to beg me to come back inside before my limbs froze off. I would spend absolutely all day outside in the snow making forts and igloo type things in the middle of the woods and watching the kids on snowmobiles ride around and do some crazy stuff on those things. I always had fun making forts in the snow and I was a big culprit for taking the piles snow plows made and digging a hole right into them and making that into a fort to block out the wind. I can still remember my mom warning me not to get crushed by a snow plow lol.
Also, I've always quite enjoyed sledding or snow tubing. Just something fun about flying down the hill that fast on nothing but a piece of plastic of inflatable rubber. Granted, I have had some mishaps on running into bushes or tress or the like, but it's still really fun. I remember the first big blizzard we got 2 years ago and I was working at the time with 2 other associates. There was a hill down behind our store and so we grabbed an unfolded box, put a huge garbage bag around it to make it slippery and they dared me to ride it down the hill. Well, I did and i flew so fast i went down the hill, across the alley and into a hedge of thorn bushes o.o Not so pleasant.
On top of that, My father is a big skiier. Ever since we moved to the Poconos, I've been skiing. My father even got a job as a ski instructor and would need to go into work right as the mountain opened for business. There were even some days after I got good that he would take me to work with him bright and early in the morning and I would be the first one out there on the mountain to enjoy the fresh powder that was blown the night before. Being 8 years old and skiing by myself on some awesome trails was pretty fun, i do have to admit.
Well, growing up I was always outside until it started getting dark and my parents had to beg me to come back inside before my limbs froze off. I would spend absolutely all day outside in the snow making forts and igloo type things in the middle of the woods and watching the kids on snowmobiles ride around and do some crazy stuff on those things. I always had fun making forts in the snow and I was a big culprit for taking the piles snow plows made and digging a hole right into them and making that into a fort to block out the wind. I can still remember my mom warning me not to get crushed by a snow plow lol.
Also, I've always quite enjoyed sledding or snow tubing. Just something fun about flying down the hill that fast on nothing but a piece of plastic of inflatable rubber. Granted, I have had some mishaps on running into bushes or tress or the like, but it's still really fun. I remember the first big blizzard we got 2 years ago and I was working at the time with 2 other associates. There was a hill down behind our store and so we grabbed an unfolded box, put a huge garbage bag around it to make it slippery and they dared me to ride it down the hill. Well, I did and i flew so fast i went down the hill, across the alley and into a hedge of thorn bushes o.o Not so pleasant.
On top of that, My father is a big skiier. Ever since we moved to the Poconos, I've been skiing. My father even got a job as a ski instructor and would need to go into work right as the mountain opened for business. There were even some days after I got good that he would take me to work with him bright and early in the morning and I would be the first one out there on the mountain to enjoy the fresh powder that was blown the night before. Being 8 years old and skiing by myself on some awesome trails was pretty fun, i do have to admit.
Monday, December 6, 2010
On the first day of Christmas...
"If you could write your own 12 days of Christmas, based on gifts you want, how would it go?" - Anon
I'll start from 12 and work my way down:
12 months of groceries
11 Hot topic shirts
10 pairs of jeans
9 piece living room furniture set
8 piece professional make up brush set
7 days all inclusive trip to Amsterdam
6 pairs of curtains
5 new tattoos!
4 pieces of home decor (3 wall tapestries and, a new full bed set with pillows)
3 new huge make up palettes with assorted colors
2 tickets to an HIM concert
and an Engagement ring from my loving boyfriend ^_^
well, that;s my ideal 12 days of Christmas. Also.. has anyone ever noticed how a Partridge in a Pear Tree are two gifts? Just saying.
I'll start from 12 and work my way down:
12 months of groceries
11 Hot topic shirts
10 pairs of jeans
9 piece living room furniture set
8 piece professional make up brush set
7 days all inclusive trip to Amsterdam
6 pairs of curtains
5 new tattoos!
4 pieces of home decor (3 wall tapestries and, a new full bed set with pillows)
3 new huge make up palettes with assorted colors
2 tickets to an HIM concert
and an Engagement ring from my loving boyfriend ^_^
well, that;s my ideal 12 days of Christmas. Also.. has anyone ever noticed how a Partridge in a Pear Tree are two gifts? Just saying.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Sealed with a Song
"Do you have any favorite Christmas songs?" - Anon
I do have a few that I simply must hear around Christmas. Most of them include things such as the entire soundtrack from Charlie Browns Christmas special, the Grinch Song, The Snow Miser/ Heat Miser Song. Random stuff like that.
I do also enjoy like celebrity versions of classic carols as well as one's they've done themselves. Such as Faith Hill's "Where are You Christmas?" from the soundtrack of The Grinch and Mariah Carey's 'All I want for Christmas is you." But this isn't all. it's simply not Christmas without hearing Marylin Monroe's 'Santa baby'. As well as listening to Disney stars sing Christmas carols.
I am also a very big fan of classical Christmas hymns played around the holiday, such as pieces from Handel's "the Messiah", and instrumental renditions of some classical songs. I usually enjoy Christmas songs done on harps or pipes or with an almost medieval sound to the instruments. I really think it helps capture the old Pagan feel to the holiday or Yule, as it is known.
I do have a few that I simply must hear around Christmas. Most of them include things such as the entire soundtrack from Charlie Browns Christmas special, the Grinch Song, The Snow Miser/ Heat Miser Song. Random stuff like that.
I do also enjoy like celebrity versions of classic carols as well as one's they've done themselves. Such as Faith Hill's "Where are You Christmas?" from the soundtrack of The Grinch and Mariah Carey's 'All I want for Christmas is you." But this isn't all. it's simply not Christmas without hearing Marylin Monroe's 'Santa baby'. As well as listening to Disney stars sing Christmas carols.
I am also a very big fan of classical Christmas hymns played around the holiday, such as pieces from Handel's "the Messiah", and instrumental renditions of some classical songs. I usually enjoy Christmas songs done on harps or pipes or with an almost medieval sound to the instruments. I really think it helps capture the old Pagan feel to the holiday or Yule, as it is known.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Stealing a Kiss Under the mistletoe
"Where did kissing under the mistletoe originate?" - Anon
Along with the Christmas holly, laurel, rosemary,yews, boxwood bushes and, of course, the Christmas tree, mistletoe is an evergreen displayed during the Christmas season and symbolic of the eventual rebirth of vegetation that will occur in spring. But perhaps more than any other of the Christmas evergreens, it is a plant of which we are conscious onlyduring the holidays. One day we're kissing under the mistletoe, and next day we've forgotten all about it (the plant, that is, not the kisses)
Along with the Christmas holly, laurel, rosemary,yews, boxwood bushes and, of course, the Christmas tree, mistletoe is an evergreen displayed during the Christmas season and symbolic of the eventual rebirth of vegetation that will occur in spring. But perhaps more than any other of the Christmas evergreens, it is a plant of which we are conscious onlyduring the holidays. One day we're kissing under the mistletoe, and next day we've forgotten all about it (the plant, that is, not the kisses)
When the Christmas decorations come down, mistletoe fades from our minds for another year, receding into the mists of mythology, rituals and enigma. Particularly in regions where the plant is not native (or is rare), most people do not even realize that mistletoe does not grow on the ground, but rather on trees as a parasitic shrub. That's right: as unromantic as it sounds, kissing under the mistletoe means embracing under a parasite....
"The mistletoe is still hung up in farm-houses and kitchens at Christmas, and the young men have the privilege of kissing the girls under it, plucking each time a berry from the bush. When the berries are all plucked the privilege ceases." - Washington Irving
We moderns have conveniently forgotten the part about plucking the berries (which, incidentally, are poisonous), and then desisting from kissing under the mistletoe when the berries run out!
Tracing the history of mistletoe-induced kissing means going back to ancient Scandinavia -- to custom and the Norse myths: "It was also the plant of peace in Scandinavian antiquity. If enemies met by chance beneath it in a forest, they laid down their arms and maintained a truce until the next day." This ancient Scandinavian custom led to the tradition of kissing under the mistletoe. But this tradition went hand-in-hand with one of the Norse myths, namely, the myth of Baldur. Baldur's death and resurrection is one of the most fascinating Norse myths and stands at the beginning of the history of mistletoe as a "kissing" plant.
Baldur's mother was the Norse goddess, Frigga. When Baldur was born, Frigga made each and every plant, animal and inanimate object promise not to harm Baldur. But Frigga overlooked the mistletoe plant -- and the mischievous god of the Norse myths, Loki, took advantage of this oversight. Ever the prankster, Loki tricked one of the other gods into killing Baldur with a spear fashioned from mistletoe. The demise of Baldur, a vegetation deity in the Norse myths, brought winter into the world, although the gods did eventually restore Baldur to life. After which Frigga pronounced the mistletoe sacred, ordering that from now on it should bring love rather than death into the world. Happily complying with Frigga's wishes, any two people passing under the plant from now on would celebrate Baldur's resurrection by kissing under the mistletoe.
It goes without saying that, if we were to peel off the layers of custom and myth surrounding "kissing under the mistletoe," we would find ourselves in the midst of ancient erotica. Mistletoe has long been regarded as an aphrodisiac and fertility herb. It may also possess abortifacient qualities, which would help explain its association with uninhibited sexuality.
Friday, December 3, 2010
It's that time of year...
"What are some Christmas traditions that you enjoy?" - Anon
I have always liked the tradition of right after everyone is done digesting Thanksgiving dinner, mom would always throw on her Christmas music and we would all start decorating the tree as a family. Since my brother is now in the Army and I live on my own, it's not something we really get to do much anymore, but just thinking about it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I've always liked helping to decorate the tree every year. Also, it was always my job to set up the manger. I would get very upset if anyone else tried to.
A tradition that I've always been interested in was kissing under the mistletoe. I have never gotten to do this personally, but the romantic in me has always been interested in trying this out. Also caroling, or wassailing, has been an interest in mine, and I've only gotten to do it once. Believe it or not we got to go on a caroling field trip my senior year in high school. We spent the entire day out at a retirement home singing and keeping the old folks happy and giving them some companionship. It gave me a really nice warm feeling.
I have always liked the tradition of right after everyone is done digesting Thanksgiving dinner, mom would always throw on her Christmas music and we would all start decorating the tree as a family. Since my brother is now in the Army and I live on my own, it's not something we really get to do much anymore, but just thinking about it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I've always liked helping to decorate the tree every year. Also, it was always my job to set up the manger. I would get very upset if anyone else tried to.
A tradition that I've always been interested in was kissing under the mistletoe. I have never gotten to do this personally, but the romantic in me has always been interested in trying this out. Also caroling, or wassailing, has been an interest in mine, and I've only gotten to do it once. Believe it or not we got to go on a caroling field trip my senior year in high school. We spent the entire day out at a retirement home singing and keeping the old folks happy and giving them some companionship. It gave me a really nice warm feeling.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
"C" is for Cookie
"What is your favorite kind of Christmas cookie?" - Ali
I have to say i really enjoy a well made oatmeal raisin or oatmeal chocolate chip. The kind where you can taste the clove and cinnamon put into it and it's just the right amount of spice to the oatmeal in order to play off the sweetness of the raisin/chocolate. I also really enjoy a nice crisp gingerbread cookie. I really can't stand the ones that are soft and chewy. I've always been a fan of the kind you need to dunk and soak in milk before it's even possible to chew it without waking someone up from the crunching.
I also love my best friends chocolate chip cookies. She makes the absolute best chocolate chip cookies I have ever tasted! They come out nice and chewy like they just came out of the oven. Even after they have cooled down they are still nice and chewy and soft baked. They are even better to throw in the microwave for about 10 seconds just to get them warm and gooey again. Her secret to keeping them so soft and chewy? Instead of using butter or margarine, use shortening. ^_^
I have to say i really enjoy a well made oatmeal raisin or oatmeal chocolate chip. The kind where you can taste the clove and cinnamon put into it and it's just the right amount of spice to the oatmeal in order to play off the sweetness of the raisin/chocolate. I also really enjoy a nice crisp gingerbread cookie. I really can't stand the ones that are soft and chewy. I've always been a fan of the kind you need to dunk and soak in milk before it's even possible to chew it without waking someone up from the crunching.
I also love my best friends chocolate chip cookies. She makes the absolute best chocolate chip cookies I have ever tasted! They come out nice and chewy like they just came out of the oven. Even after they have cooled down they are still nice and chewy and soft baked. They are even better to throw in the microwave for about 10 seconds just to get them warm and gooey again. Her secret to keeping them so soft and chewy? Instead of using butter or margarine, use shortening. ^_^
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Happy Christmahanaquanzyuleka
'Which of the Holidays do you celebrate?" - Dahlia
I was raised celebrating two kinds of Christmas; the normal Christmas on the 25th of December and also what we would call Armenian Christmas or Little Christmas on January 6th. I've also heard this referred to as "true Christmas" or "the coming of the 3 wise men." Where regular Christmas was all the fun stuff like toys and such, Little Christmas was when you got the necessities like socks, shoes, clothing, that type of thing.
Ever since I discovered Paganism though and have been an avid follower and practitioner of the Olde Ways, I do celebrate Yule as well. Honestly, I'm more than happy to roll everything up into one giant day and get it all out of the way at once. Spreading myself out over 3 different versions of the same holiday is wearing on me. I usually spend Yule by myself or with my significant other, Christmas with my mom and Little Christmas with my father. It's nice to be able to visit them all though. But I do still enjoy celebrating Yule. It's not nearly as commercial as Christmas and it's not all about the presents and such.. it's about celebrating life in a season of death.
I was raised celebrating two kinds of Christmas; the normal Christmas on the 25th of December and also what we would call Armenian Christmas or Little Christmas on January 6th. I've also heard this referred to as "true Christmas" or "the coming of the 3 wise men." Where regular Christmas was all the fun stuff like toys and such, Little Christmas was when you got the necessities like socks, shoes, clothing, that type of thing.
Ever since I discovered Paganism though and have been an avid follower and practitioner of the Olde Ways, I do celebrate Yule as well. Honestly, I'm more than happy to roll everything up into one giant day and get it all out of the way at once. Spreading myself out over 3 different versions of the same holiday is wearing on me. I usually spend Yule by myself or with my significant other, Christmas with my mom and Little Christmas with my father. It's nice to be able to visit them all though. But I do still enjoy celebrating Yule. It's not nearly as commercial as Christmas and it's not all about the presents and such.. it's about celebrating life in a season of death.
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