"If you had to go back in time and change one thing, if you HAD to, even if you have "no regrets" what would you change?" - Anon
Well, first off, let me begin by saying, I am one of those people that does't regret anything. I believe the hardships in our lives hold lessons to make us into better people and if we can learn the lessons and move on, than we really haven't lost anything. On the contrary, we've gained something irreplaceable from a horrible situation. I feel that regret is such a waste of time. If you regret something, than you obviously haven't been able to find the silver living in your little black rain cloud. But enough with that, let me jump right into my actual answer.
If i HAD to change something, I would change the fact that 3 years ago, after getting out of a bad relationship, I met the love of my life and was too afraid to admit my feelings for him. If i HAD to go back and change it, I would have told him I loved him. It was a bad situation. I had just gotten out of an emotionally abusive and very controlling 2 year engagement to a man and was pretty much sick of men, commitment, and love in general (or at least, what I had experienced as love up until this point). It's funny how Cupid see's you're ready to give up on love, but every time you're about to throw in the towel Cupid is there to remind you that love isn't ready to give up on you. I let that chance pass me by, and we remained friends.
I openly dated a few people. Hopped from guy to guy just because I was terrified of being serious, yet still ached for that feeling of companionship. As you can imagine, this got me into some tricky situations. All this time I was keeping an eye on the man I was truly in love with. He had his relationships, even got engaged I believe, and I was under the impression that he was happy, so I bottled up my feelings and let them be. I wasn't going to be the home wrecker in anyones relationship. That type of thing was below me.
The entire time I never realized that he had felt the same towards me. Whether it was simply I wasn't open to seeing the signals, or he was good about hiding his feelings as I was, we were both completely clueless until a few months ago. The chance presented itself and I admitted everything. I never realized how much I had been hurting him keeping him as just a friend and nothing more because my own life was screwed up and I tried to fix it myself while all along he wanted to help and support me. I can't help but think we went through 3 years of unneeded hardships and pains either alone or with uncaring partners when we could have been right by each other's side helping each other through the hard times.
But, we can't go back and change the past as much as we may want to. And as bad as those 3 yeas of stress and hell were, I wouldn't trade them for the world because the love we share was worth everything I had gone through.
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