Suffering

SUFFERING
I'm resting on the edge again; don't wanna die, afraid to live.
i reach for the light but it escapes me, as i barrel down through the darkness.
The tunnel of pain envelopes me and grasps my soul in its filthy clutch.
It knows that i am not as different as i wish to be.
It knows the scars upon my soul.
It knows the pain i hide deep away inside of me.
It longs to let the dark beast within me free.
Hidden in the dank trenches of my blackened soul, the depression lies... waiting.
The smile you see, a fake facade, so easily made so easily broken.
The tears always waiting on the ends of my lashes to fall and show truth.
A Happy lie... such cheerful deceit...
if only you knew the suffering i fight every day.
If only you knew the constant struggle i am left with.
If you only knew how i am filled to the breaking point with such self loathing and hatred that i see myself as a plague on all others happiness.
the only truth i see within myself is that i live to destroy... i love to hate.
i am like a disease... i have no cure... no special medicine.
I grow on you like a cancerous growth; malignant and devouring until you are riddled with scars and hideous mutations that you no longer remember who you were.
i will change you.
I will destroy you.
Cut me out of your life like the cancer that i am.
I'm tired of this battle... this constant climb to overcome...
so much work to climb this mountain... how easy it would be to fall...
how easy it would be to simply let go and lose myself in the darkness...
filled with a writhing, ugly beast that devours my soul everyday...
but don't worry...
my mask will tumble
my tears will fall
my skin will break
my blood will flow
my heart will shatter...
but my mask will return
my tears will dry,
my skin will heal,
my blood will scab,
my heart will mend...
Just wait until morning and the mask will be whole and hiding again.
just wait until morning and the act will be ready to perform again.
Just wait until morning...
i need to make it to morning...
don't care if i ever see morning...